Why a caterpillar?

For a long time I didn't see myself as an adult. Well let's face it, I'm 24 and I look like I'm 14 so many people probably don't consider me an adult either. But I've always thought of myself as a younger version of the age I actually was, to the point where I almost always assumed when I saw guys at the movies or at restaurants that they were too old for me. When I first met my husband, granted we were 15 and almost 18, I didn't even think twice about dating him (heh heh for a number of reasons). He was older, sophisticated, and cool, and I slept with a stuffed bear at night creatively named Bear Bear. Still have that bear damn it.

Huh, I just learned that damnit is two words, go figure. Anyway, I got married at 22, got what I thought was my dream job right out of college, and did a lot of grown up things but I let life and stress, and the pressures of what I thought my life should be sit right on top of my personality and my dreams like a giant elephant. An African elephant...they're bigger then Asian elephants. I was super unhappy. I didn't like living for the weekends, I didn't like spending all weekend dreading Sunday afternoon when I'd have to get work done. I didn't like spending evenings on a different floor of the house from my husband so I could make deadlines or have half an hour to myself so I wouldn't throw repeated verbal punches at him for wanting to show me adorable videos of pug puppies.

So I made a change, I made what I consider my very first consider my options and take action to improve the circumstances decision. I looked at my priorities and determined the two most important things to me when I really looked at what I wanted from my life: my family with the biggest emphasis being on the hubby, and my church. I needed the time, as in hours of the day, to focus on these priorities and my dream job did not allow that. So with tears in my eyes but very little self-doubt I quit.

This past summer between resigning from my dream job and finding one that fit my criteria I rediscovered the parts of me that had been squashed by dumbo. I joined a choir, I read fairy tales, I wrote, I faced and conquered a few personal social fears, and I got a tattoo. I also went on a few vacations and was admitted to the observation unit of the hospital overnight where I was forced to drink liquid potassium...twice. To wrap this up and answer the initial question in the most cliche way possible, I feel as if I've emerged into the person that I had lost and combined her with who I want to become. This caterpillar is eating and crawling her way to butterfly-dom.

Takeaways: You now know that I'm super wordy, that I like the word super, that I like lists separated by commas, that I will probably mix up the use of then and than, that I still own a stuffed bear, that I talk about my husband a lot, that my faith and my church are a priority, that I think pugs are cute, and that I know obscure facts about elephants. Stay tuned...I can do better. 

Caterpillar in flannel